|My sewing space.|
I thought originally that it was because I was distracted by the Mr., who sits on his computer all night and watches baseball (go Angels!). No, it's not him. I do love cuddling up on the couch next to him, but HE is not the reason I am doing nothing. Besides, when he is out of town for work, I still find myself rummaging the cupboards for a little chocolate to nibble while vegging out in front of the TV.
My next thought was that it must be because I can't really accomplish anything in two hours. But that is a complete lie to myself and utter bull shit.
So it is, on this lonely night with the Mr. away (in Vegas nonetheless, in an awesome outside of the strip resort, without me!), that I find myself chewing gum (to avoid eating the kids' Easter candy) and staring at my stash of less-than inspiring fabric, wondering why I am not doing a damn thing. Pilates is done, dishes are few so I am avoiding them, and the Angel's game is on but I wanted to accomplish something and I muted it--plus the TV is in the living room and my sewing room/office is separate. Why? Why can I not find the motivation to do anything? Am I tired? Maybe, a little. Am I lazy? It's a possibility. Fun fact: although my brain moves at least 10 million miles a minute, my body takes it time--like my Dad always used to tell me, "You move slower than molasses on a cold day!"
After taking all this in, sitting on a short IKEA kids storage stool and staring at my fabric, I felt the sudden urge to do something. So I walked into the living room, sat down on the sofa, finished up my tea and lifted my pad of paper. I decided to make a list, a motivational list, to encourage myself each night to do something I know I wanted to accomplish. These lists usually include lots of squiggly underlining and a ridiculous amount of exclamation points, sometimes coupled with question marks as if to challenge myself to something. But, I had no pencil; which is my preferred tool for writing. And no pen. Just a bright yellow highlighter, which had it been pink or green or blue, I might have used. I'm glad I had nothing to write with, though. I ran back into my sewing room and looked at all the patterns I had gotten out. All the stacks of garments I want to make. I looked at my fabric and... oh yeah, I don't really like any of it.
Now, I don't think it is fair to blame this on my fabric. I mean, I'm the one who bought it. And truthfully, I had a project in mind for every yard of fabric in there. It's just, in the last year and since I last bought fabric, my fashion awareness and tastes have changed or matured, finally. On the one hand, it's good to have fabric you don't really like because you can make muslins (practice garments) out of it and not have to worry about cutting and marking it up to get the right fit. On the other hand, it's not so good for me because I don't really have the money to buy fabric that I do love and want to use for clothes I will actually wear. Maybe that's the real culprit: I'm not motivated because I don't feel that my hard work can be put to use on wearable clothes. Good, fashionable fabric is expensive. And if you find a good deal online, it's great if you already know exactly what it feels like--this is how I gauge which types of fabrics I can use (I should really learn more about fabric... ), so I'm usually afraid to buy online. This, in itself should not discourage me. Even though I thoroughly dislike JoAnn's fabrics, I do get coupons and I am sure I can find something I like. And if I get a little extra money, buying enough fabric for one garment can be fit into the budget (after I've completed the muslin and have the right fit).
Through all of this, I reminded myself that accomplishing something does not always mean completing it. One night I can prepare the fabric and pattern for cutting. Another night could be side seams or a zipper. I need a sense of accomplishment each night that is for myself, so that each morning I wake up motivated and refreshed to care for my family with patience and love, and to have the energy to move throughout my day with purpose.
'Tis the life of a mom--or any woman for that matter, we all need our creative outlets.
Thanks for reading :)